Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'The BS Topic' started by Peck, Aug 7, 2019.
That took a minute Terry, then the dim bulb came on. Got it! lol
Oral sex makes one's day.
Anal sex makes one's hole weak.
Lady: Do you drink?
Lady: How much a day?
Man: 3 six packs
Lady: How much per six pack
Man: about $10.00
Lady: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So 1 six pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 six packs a day which
puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be
Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the
past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't drank, that money could have been
put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for
compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a
Man: Do you drink?
Man: Where's your f#cking Ferrari?
An elderly married couple was at home watching TV.
The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.
The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:
"For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"
Not really a joke, but it's a true story which happened last week...
My GF loves shopping... I only go "Buying". (And only when it's not available, for less, on-line.)
She's quite understanding about my lack of excitement towards shopping for mundane things... Like groceries.
But, she appreciates that I try to be helpful.
We walk into the grocery store and I ask to see "the list".
I took a pic of the list with my cell-phone and headed off with a grocery cart (with a wobbly wheel) while she takes a basket to go "shopping" for personal stuff... Razors, shampoo, etc.
I get the TP and paper towels then head for the dairy area.
I find the milk, butter, coffee creamer. (There's 17 varieties of creamer but no pumpkin spice, yet. I decide we're getting "French Vanilla". )
I find the Kraft singles, but... I can't seem to find the pre-sliced "havarti" cheese.
I get the bacon and a couple of other things and she's still at the other end of the store... "Shopping".
I shove my cart (with the wobbly wheel) the 150 yards across the store to tell her I can't find the cheese she wants.
She tells me "It's in alphabetical order on the shelf.... American, asiago, cheddar, feta, gouda, havarti..."
"If you get to the muenster and provolone... You've gone too far."
I'm impressed with her knowledge of the details of the store layout and head back to the dairy section, with my wobbly wheeled cart, determined to find that havarti cheese.
After searching through every row and column of cheese... I still cant' find the havarti.
By this time... I've given up on the cheese, found the lunch meat and gone back for the Dew.
She finally catches up with me about the time I decided to give the search for havarti one more try.
I told her I understand the cheese is in alphabetical order but, I can't find it!
So, I asked... "How do you spell "Havarti"?"
She is now searching the cheese selections herself and responds... "H-a-v-a-r-t-i"... Just the way I spelled it on the list!
I looked at the list on my phone and said, Oh....You left out the "F"!
She looks at me like my eyebrows had suddenly grown into a solid bush across my forehead and says...
"There's no "F" in havarti!"
That's EXACTLY what I've been saying!!!!
I let that sink in for a few seconds then pushed the cart towards the bread aisle with a stupid grin on my face.
What's the difference between a religion and a cult.
In a cult, there's a guy at the top who knows everything is b*llsh*t
In a religion, that guy is dead
Lmao I had to read that a couple times myself before the lightbulb lit up.
...... and that's when the fight started. Sleep with one eye open!
A couple of old nerds tend to meet in the afternoon to play Dungeons and Dragons. They've been doing it for years. One day, the first one was waiting for the second one to come walking down the sidewalk when he sees him riding a fairly new bicycle. When he rolls up, the first one asks, "Where'd you get the bike?" The second one says "I was walking over here and this gorgeous blonde rides by, looks at me, turns around and rides back. She gets off the bike and walks over under a tree and takes all her clothes off. Then she laid down and said 'Take what you want!'. So I took the bike". The first nerd thinks for a minute and says "Good choice, her clothes probably wouldn't fit."
I read the list and Fresh milk is on it.
I applaud the person who wrote it so neatly . Excellent hand writing.
Just Fresh milk threw me ..as opposed to not fresh milk.