Bad jokes..... NWS

Discussion in 'The BS Topic' started by Peck, Aug 7, 2019.

  1. xten

    xten Veteran Member

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    Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.

    ‘Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay.'
     
  2. xten

    xten Veteran Member

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    A guy walks into a bar in West Virginia and orders a white wine .



    All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up from their red-eye beer and whiskey, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.


    The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"


    The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada "


    " Canada " The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada ?"


    The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist."


    The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in the hell is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?"


    "No," says the Canadian "I don't drive a taxi, I mount animals."


    The bartender grins and hollers,


    "It's okay boys. He's one of us."
     
    carr911, dcozzi, Dave Nelson and 4 others like this.
  3. xten

    xten Veteran Member

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    This is my new neighbor...




    [​IMG]



    She's single.


    She lives right across the road.


    I can see her place from my deck.


    I watched as she got home from work this evening.


    I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway and knocked on my door.


    I rushed to open it, she looks at me and says,


    "I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long!


    Are you busy tonight?"


    I quickly replied, "Nope, I'm Free, and I have no plans at all!"


    She said, "Great! Could you watch my dog?"






    Being a senior citizen really sucks!
     
  4. ol' grouch

    ol' grouch Veteran Member

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    I wish the picture would open up. (sniffle)
     
    Peck likes this.
  5. tom3

    tom3 Veteran Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  6. tom3

    tom3 Veteran Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  7. xten

    xten Veteran Member

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    Thanks, Tom. lol
     
  8. xten

    xten Veteran Member

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    Quick Thinking!
    Here's what a quick witted Aussie Flight Attendant had to say:

    A businessman in the first class cabin decided to chat up
    the drop dead, gorgeous flight attendant: "What is your name?"
    Flight Attendant: "Angela Benz,sir"
    Businessman: "Lovely name ...any relation to Mercedes Benz?"
    Flight Attendant: "Yes sir, very close"
    Businessman: "How close?"

    Flight Attendant: "Same price".
     
    Peck likes this.
  9. xten

    xten Veteran Member

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    When you're from the farm,
    your perception is a little bit different.A farmer drove to a neighbor’s
    farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened
    the door. "Is your dad or mom home?" said the
    farmer."No, they went to
    town.""How about your brother,
    Howard? Is he here?""No, he went with Mom and
    Dad."The farmer stood there for a few
    minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to
    himself, when the young boy says, "I know where all the
    tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a
    message.""Well," said the farmer
    uncomfortably. "No, I really want to talk to your Dad,
    about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy
    pregnant".The boy thought for a moment,
    then says, "You'll have to talk to my Dad about
    that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the
    pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for
    Howard."
     
    1972_Z-28 likes this.
  10. xten

    xten Veteran Member

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    Great News
    for some of you guys during these financially
    challenging times.
    I found a prostitute who charges by the inch. Obviously, I can't afford
    her, but I thought you might enjoy an inexpensive night
    out.
     
    tom3 and Dave Nelson like this.

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