> * I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with a tattoo and green hair walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today? I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond, had that deer in the headlights look. > * I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it. > * When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" I just say, "No, it's for company!" > Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "An ambulance." > * The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. > * The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. > * Have you ever noticed: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL. > * The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he knows when he's really in trouble. > * Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs?" > * Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. > * Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me. > I want people to know why I look this way. > I've traveled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved. > * You know you are getting old when everything either dries up, sags or leaks. > * Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable. > *Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth. > * May you always have: Love to share, Cash to spare, Tires with air, And friends who care.