Bad jokes..... NWS


Veteran Member
Mar 20, 2018
I will get this started. Don’t get offended words don’t hurt that bad.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple decide to race from Seattle to San Francisco, who wins?

The lesbians! They are doing 69 the whole way, all the while the guys are still in Seattle packing their sh!t....
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Veteran Member
Lifetime Gold Member
Jun 12, 2009
Unionville, NC
I posted these before but its been many years ago so here you go!
Male chauvinist pig jokes.

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a women who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a women's sex drive by 90%.
It's called Wedding Cake.

How do you fix a women's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the stove.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to to build up the required pressure.

Why do men die before their wives?
Because they want to.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What is worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.


Veteran Member
Lifetime Gold Member
Jun 12, 2009
Unionville, NC
Little Bobby asked his mom, "where do babies come from?"
A bit surprised, she didn't know what to say. Finally she said, "the stork brings them."
Bobby had a confused look on his face. After a minute he asked her, "ok, but who f#cks the stork?"


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Veteran Member
Lifetime Gold Member
Mar 27, 2016
An old woman walked into a dentist’s office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, ”I think you have the wrong room.”
”You put in my husband’s teeth last week,” she replied. “Now you have to remove them.”


Veteran Member
Sep 24, 2014
Pittsburgh, Pa.
Being nervous, and embarrassed about my up-coming colonoscopy, on a recommendation, I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco.
Allegedly, the nurses are very beautiful and they are much more gentle.
As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nurse began my procedure. She told me,

"Now don't worry, at this stage of the procedure, it's quite normal to get an erection."
"I don't have an erection," I replied.
"I do." replied the nurse.
Never get a colonoscopy in San Francisco.

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