Oh man, my dad and I had a hardware store and I can relate to that one! Amazing what a small pinhole in a paint can on a shaker will do.
My boss just appointed me his sexual consultant. He said, "If I need your fu*king advice, I'll ask for it." There's a necrophilic on the loose, look alive people! I just found out Albert Einstein was a real person. I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist. The school called me today and said, "Your son has been telling lies." I said, "Tell him he's fu*king good. I don't have kids." What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose. What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero, the other is simply a command. My wife: Do these jeans make me look fat? Me: Do you promise not to get mad no mater what I say? My wife: Yes Me: Okay I fu*ked your sister.
