COVID Quarantine Humor

danbrennan

Veteran Member
Lifetime Gold Member
Mar 13, 1999
4,965
Brighton, MI
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tom3

Veteran Member
Aug 1, 1999
14,953
ohio
(might be really old?)

A good-looking man walked into an agent’s office in Hollywood.
“I want to be a movie star,” he told the agent. Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.
The agent asked: “What’s your name?”
“Penis van Lesbian,” he replied.
“Sir, I hate to tell you,” said the agent, “but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name.”
“I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old. I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Never!”
“Now listen: I have worked in Hollywood for years and I’m telling you that will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. Change your name - or I won’t be able to put you on our books.”
“So be it! I guess we will not do business together,” the guy said, and left the agent’s office.
Five years later
The agent opens an envelope sent to his office - inside is a letter and a check for $50,000.
Dear Sir,
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian.
After I left your office, I thought about what you said and, eventually, decided you were right: I had to change my name. I’m afraid I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent.
But I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.
Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke
 

Patstuff28

Veteran Member
Aug 23, 2020
711
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,” and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer…. for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? What if it doesn’t work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
“Yes,” he informed the couple, “You can get married in Heaven.”
“Great!” said the couple. “But we were just wondering; what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
“What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple.
“OH, COME ON!!!” St. Peter shouted. “It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it’ll take to find a lawyer
 




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