Dealing with Family members with Alcohol Addiction

That is a tough spot, but seems like it's all out of your hands. Your dad isn't much help here for sure. Your brother may never hit rock bottom if dad is always there for him, doing the things he is doing. I feel for you.

I tried to help an old friend get off crack when I was younger. That's when I learned that if someone doesn't want to change, I can't help them. My brother got into a lot of stuff when he was younger as well. Crashed up cars, fights, stealing from family, living in his car at the rest stop on the highway, etc. He's out of the drug scene now, but still has a drinking issue. He was a smoker until he got a set of false teeth, and that made him quit. Unfortunately, that just made the drinking worse. I can't help him with that. His wife doesn't do much to stop him, as her thought is that it is a lesser evil. It is tough to sit back and watch it I have to admit for certain, but know that I can't let it beat me up. Sometimes I feel guilty showing him stuff around our house, or stuff I've done to the car. He's a mechanic and can appreciate the work, but don't want to seem like I'm showing off what he can't have either. He did make his bed, but sad to see.

 

That is a great explanation of an addict.
It also is a great explanation of life in general. I tell my son all the time, it is harder to do the right thing than the wrong one. Whether it is saying something nice instead of mean, being active instead of lazy or working to your potential instead of taking short cuts or doing nothing at all. When a person does the right thing, it is initially more difficult but always rewards you with self esteem and pride. It also creates a personal lifestyle that rewards you along the way, further contributing to your pride and self-image. A side effect is becoming a person that others respect and admire. Not such a bad thing.
Unfortunately, some people do not have that inner strength built into them and is hard even for those that do.

 

At this point, if you don't wash your hands and walk away, it will put YOU in an early grave. I had a situation where I could not care enough for both of us, and had to walk away. I hated it, but I needed to take care of me.

 

I've been through it with family too...twice. My oldest brother drank himself to death. Dropped dead just 2 weeks shy of his 49th b'day. He was one of those who was good as gold when he was sober....which wasn't often. He was going through a fifth to a liter every day. He was one stubborn SOB about it too.

My father-in-law was the other. He ended up in the with salmonella. After 2 days, he went into delirium tremens (DT's). That alone nearly killed him. That was hard to witness. After those 2 days of zero alcohol, his BAC was still 3X the legal limit. Just a few years later, about the time he agreed to cut WAY back to just a 6 pack of beer a day, he developed alchohol induced dementia...and went down hill fast. From his diagnosis to death was less than 20 months. THAT was just as hard to witness as the DT's.

I worked part time at a liquor store about 8 years ago. You don't realize exactly how many people have a problem until you start seeing the same faces buying the same bottle over and over and over. Some of these faces were well known in the community and some well known throughout the region. It was a real eye opener for me.

 

My buddy is an electrical engineer with an automation company that supports the bottle maker for Coors, I think. He was allowed to travel to plants all over the states from Canada as a "essential worker". One day i asked him what's "essential" about alcohol manufacturing, but I guess the sheer amount of people that would go into serious and dangerous withdrawal without access to alcohol is too significant. Made me glad I'm not a drinker.

 

I had an aunt that would bury her booze bottles in the back yard so the trashman wouldn't know how much she drank- so sad. I wish you the best others have pretty much summed up anything I could say-Steve

 

Sounds like he's given up. You did what you could, but as said before, you can't help someone who won't help themselves. So be it. Ask him if he's made his funeral arrangements.
Strange how some people don't care if they live or die and others would do anything to have one more day with loved ones.