Dealing with Family members with Alcohol Addiction

carhead22000

oldblue
Sep 5, 2011
999
canada
he will care, when they tell him there's nothing more they can do. That slap in the face is a hard one. You should discuss that with doctors most will help scare him. Scared straight so to speak. Good luck. God bless.
 

Rosster

Veteran Member
Gold Member
Mar 1, 2020
892
One big issue you have is your dad is an enabler. Same issue I have with my brother and my wife has with hers. In my brother’s case, he and his family have basically taken over my dad’s house and rarely contribute any money to pay for food, utilities, gas, etc. I can understand the desire to protect your children but as others have said, knowing they always have food and shelter means they will likely never want (or need) to change their lifestyles. My dad’s 91 (mom passed a few years ago) and although we’ve had several interventions and talked plenty with my dad on why his actions just enable this to continue, nothing has changed. Sadly, my dad will eventually pass away and he and his family likely will be out on the street. My brother isn’t an alcoholic but drug user and primarily too lazy to go to work so been fired from multiple jobs. He’s a con artist, has no moral compass, and is always trying to work some angle to benefit himself regardless of the situation. Luckily as my fathers executor, I’ve been able to stop my dad from making a few financially diasterous decisions when I caught wind of them. Too bad really as he’s not an idiot, just a POS.

So in closing, until your dad shows some tough love, things are not likely to change. If you’re Like me, you’ll just be sitting on the sidelines watching a slow train-wreck occur until the eventual (my dad dies and my brother’s out on the street) happens. At that point I’ll have no need to remain in touch and no need to worry about my father.
 
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GoldenOne7710

Equal Opportunity Offender
Lifetime Gold Member
Jun 23, 2004
5,707
Athens, GA
At this point, an intervention may be necessary....IF you want to intervene. The problem is, if a person doesn't want help, they won't accept help. This story is all too familiar as it's a very similar story as my oldest brother. Maybe talk to other immediate family members and get their thoughts of options to get him help.

My heart goes out to you, man.
 

1971CamaroGuy

LS Swapped 1971 Camaro
Oct 31, 2004
3,865
Well.....it's been a year and a LOT has happened. No less than 15 stints, three balloons, one minor heart attack, one minor stroke and one major stroke last week on his right brain stem....brother is currently in a rehab try and regain use of his left side. He can't walk, he only has use of his right hand, and can't remember a lot of stuff.

The issue we are dealing with now, is him not getting better, is him wanting to leave even though he can't do anything on his own.

46 years years old and an adult the clinic says he can sign himself out anytime, and they won't be able to treat him anymore.

Dad being the enabler let him have his cell phone, so he calls him 3-5 times a day wanting to know when he is going to come get him. He has to do at least 10-15 days in this rehab working his movements. The minor stroke he had in June, he spent three days in the hospital before dad took him home prematurely aganst doctors requests.

The reason he is trying to leave is he is really wanting something to drink and a cigarrette. Not once has brother admitted to having a problem or asking for help...and we tried to talk to him even before the stroke after he had stints put in....he has no remorse for any of that.

So this last week as been a roller coaster, I messed up and gave the clinic mine and my wifes number as contacts and they called a second ago and said he fell trying to get up out of his wheelchair...he's ok...but they have to let someone know. I seen my brother yesterday while he was eating breakfast and talked to him about getting better...not long after that he was calling dad again wanting to know when he was coming to get him.

Told dad this morning that I am washing my hands of him, I don't need this stress ...brother is grown man, made his bed and needs to lie in it...if he doesn't want help that's on him. I'm tired of beating a dead horse. I'll try and be there for him as much as I can, but if he checks himself out....brother can figure out where he's gonna go. Or dad can go get him and move him back in the home...I'm out. My sister is of the same opinion too.....it's not our mess to clean up at this point.
 

Gary S

Administrator
Lifetime Gold Member
Apr 14, 1999
24,514
Bismarck, North Dakota
One thing we all need to learn is that nobody can "make" an adult change lifestyle. Only the person with the problem can make the changes.

Probably the best you can do is sit down with him and tell him that you are no longer there to bail him out unless he makes the necessary changes himself.

I've been through a similar situation, and finally learned that if the person with the problem won't accept help with the problem, you have to finally walk away and let them do things their way no matter how destructive their way is.

Many of these situations will end up with death of the addict, but it can't be changed so everybody has to accept it.
 

TTR230

Veteran Member
Aug 1, 2020
619
Burlington, Ontario
It's really too bad your father is such an enabler. I wonder if the stint in physical rehab would have been an opportunity to dry out a bit and experience some clarity.
 

1971CamaroGuy

LS Swapped 1971 Camaro
Oct 31, 2004
3,865
It's really too bad your father is such an enabler. I wonder if the stint in physical rehab would have been an opportunity to dry out a bit and experience some clarity.
It would be, but he's not in his right mind at this point. I can't tell if he's forgetting things or that determined to leave. Yesterday he was asking when mom was going to come see him......she's been gone 12 years now. Died in 2010.

I helped him open a packet of towelettes at breakfast, and he started "sprinkling" the towlette over the food...thinking it was salt. Weirdest thing I have ever seen, he sees things others don't...and I read that's part of the stroke.

I was talking to him about our childhood yesterday, and we got to talking about skateboarding. When dad went over last night there was a set of goals on the board....one was learning to skateboard again...but when dad asked if I came to see him earlier...he said no.

When he fell this morning dad asked him how he fell and he said he was trying to get up to take a shower on the first floor of the hospital and lost his superpower.....that facility doesn't have mutiple floors and he can't shower on his own right now.

So it's hard to tell what is detoxing, what is memory ect....but the angry and lashing out is def detoxing. Several things going on at once.
 

1972_Z-28

Veteran Member
Lifetime Gold Member
Oct 6, 2005
3,363
Sugar Land, Texas
I know it's tough for you but you need to wash your hands of this if not for you but also your loved ones.
Hard to say how much more damage the stroke did to his brain but addicts are notoriously good at faking stuff to get to a place to restart thier addiction.
Common sense would say the stroke is a wakeup call and rehab would be great place to start sobriety. Is he getting any help with detox and counseling for his addiction to make the change.
I wish you and your loved ones the best of luck.
Take care.
 




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