Dealing with Family members with Alcohol Addiction

[sandlapper]

Sorry for y'all. There's nothing else you can do to affect real help here. Do save yourselves from the destruction. May God Bless and Keep each of you; including the prodigal son. +

 

[1971CamaroGuy]

I know it's tough for you but you need to wash your hands of this if not for you but also your loved ones.
Hard to say how much more damage the stroke did to his brain but addicts are notoriously good at faking stuff to get to a place to restart thier addiction.
Common sense would say the stroke is a wakeup call and rehab would be great place to start sobriety. Is he getting any help with detox and counseling for his addiction to make the change.
I wish you and your loved ones the best of luck.
Take care.

Yeah they are giving him something right now for his addiction, a pill I think.

I can't see brother getting to a point where he's going to be able to get around quickly or even drive a car. I might be wrong though.

But I feel if he gets any strength he's going to be using a walker from now on. And will prob need some kind of round the clock care.

I made it clear to my dad brother is an adult and not living with my wife and I after he get's out of physical rehab.

No effing way that's going to happen so that's on him. But dad is trying to put it off on me with some of the things I am noticiing in the last week....one reason why I am trying to keep my distance.

Having said that, the only way he will get any alchohol or cigarrettes is if my dad places it in his hand for him.

But this is all on him for not kicking him out all these years when brother was still healthy enough to hold a job. Instead he gave him a place to live, not have to work and bought his alchohol and cigarettes for him.

Thanks

 

[PalmbchZ28]

Very sorry to hear this.

A lot of us have reached that fork in the road, many of us took the wrong path.

a very fortunate few took the wrong path and still survived, although for me it took many years of abuse before I changed my life.

I now have 25 years of sobriety. I've spent many hours in the rooms listening to people's story, watching their lives go downhill and most ended just as you can imagine, living under a bridge, living in the woods, standing on the corner begging for money these are the things that an addict has to look forward to.

very few make it back from any addiction.... the only way he will make it back is if HE wants to.

Once people bottom out, or hit rock bottom they have a chance of beating it.... if they're addicted mind will let them think clearly enough to admit that they need a change. Denial is their best friend !

there is nothing that anyone can do to save a person that is addicted all you can do is point them in the right direction give them moral support and pray for them.

faith in a higher power is a really good thing.

God bless you and your family

 

[1971CamaroGuy]

So my brother is going home on the 16th, I think his medicare only allows 30 days in physical rehab.....but honestly he hasn't made any progress, he can't move on his own and requires a wheelchair full time. His memory isn't great either.

I have avoided seeing my brother in the last week, it's not going to matter honestly and I don't want to give anyone the impression I am going to become his caretaker.

So my dad called me and said he met with brothers case worker a sec ago and they want to meet with the "family" on the 12th.

I asked him why would they need to meet with all of us? He said to discuss how we are going to take care of him.

I asked dad isn't he going to have full time nurses??? He can't get himself out of a wheelchair, he's going to need that. He needs 24/7 care.

His response was he would have nurses during the day, but not at night.....I told him my wife and I have full time jobs, we aren't equipped to jump up and spend our nights taking care of and and sitting with my brother. (plus honestly it's not my responsibility, he lived with dad).

I told him I wasn't going to do that, and he needs to do what he needs to do to help brother get his medicade or disability started, because that can most likely cover a full time nurse. There are resources out there and I already told dad to put him in a nursing home if he can't take care of him or brother is at that point where he needs 24/7 care.

But wife and I can't do it...... said ok, I'll let you go and I'll go by myself and see what they say. He wasn't happy with what I said.

But at least he knows I am not helping with any home care now, we got that out of the way.

Not my mess, I am willing to check on him periodically, or run and get some meds every so often....but anything that requires a signature, longer than a few hours a week of my time or any money I am not willing to do.

Maybe I am being selfish but they (dad and brother together) created this mess and it's not on me to help fix it. Brother has resources available if dad, as his caretaker and home provider will follow through with.

I've told them both many many times that this is what was going to happen if he didn't correct his lifestyle, it's unfortunate...but we are all adults here.

 

[TTR230]

So my brother is going home on the 16th, I think his medicare only allows 30 days in physical rehab.....but honestly he hasn't made any progress, he can't move on his own and requires a wheelchair full time. His memory isn't great either.

I have avoided seeing my brother in the last week, it's not going to matter honestly and I don't want to give anyone the impression I am going to become his caretaker.

So my dad called me and said he met with brothers case worker a sec ago and they want to meet with the "family" on the 12th.

I asked him why would they need to meet with all of us? He said to discuss how we are going to take care of him.

I asked dad isn't he going to have full time nurses??? He can't get himself out of a wheelchair, he's going to need that. He needs 24/7 care.

His response was he would have nurses during the day, but not at night.....I told him my wife and I have full time jobs, we aren't equipped to jump up and spend our nights taking care of and and sitting with my brother. (plus honestly it's not my responsibility, he lived with dad).

I told him I wasn't going to do that, and he needs to do what he needs to do to help brother get his medicade or disability started, because that can most likely cover a full time nurse. There are resources out there and I already told dad to put him in a nursing home if he can't take care of him or brother is at that point where he needs 24/7 care.

But wife and I can't do it...... said ok, I'll let you go and I'll go by myself and see what they say. He wasn't happy with what I said.

But at least he knows I am not helping with any home care now, we got that out of the way.

Not my mess, I am willing to check on him periodically, or run and get some meds every so often....but anything that requires a signature, longer than a few hours a week of my time or any money I am not willing to do.

Maybe I am being selfish but they (dad and brother together) created this mess and it's not on me to help fix it. Brother has resources available if dad, as his caretaker and home provider will follow through with.

I've told them both many many times that this is what was going to happen if he didn't correct his lifestyle, it's unfortunate...but we are all adults here.

You're not wrong here at all.