Golden Age

warped

Veteran Member
Lifetime Gold Member
An elderly woman woke one morning and went to get out of bed. As she got to her feet she experienced an intense pain in her chest. Fearing the worst, she prepared to call for emergency assistance. Just before she could make the call she happened to look down and discovered she was standing on her nipples.
***
A man reluctantly decided he needed to put his elderly father into a home for seniors. He promised he would be by that evening to see how his father had done during the day.
The father was taken to a sunny sitting room where he could read or watch what others were doing. After a time he started to lean to the left and an aid quickly came to him and righted him and placed a pillow on his left side so he wouldn't lean in that direction.
Several minutes later he started to lean to the right and the same aid again set him up and placed a pillow on the other side so he wouldn't lean in that direction.
That evening his son came back to see how the father had liked the first day.
"It was OK enough. The people are nice and helpful but they won't let you fart!
***
A man was visiting his elderly father in the hospital when he noticed the night nurse giving meds. he realized she had given his father a Viagra pill.
"What the heck are you doing? He is 84 years old, what can he possibly need with Viagra?"
"Keeps him from rolling out of bed during the night!"
***
A doctor examined his 80 year old patient and sent him on his way. A week later the doctor happened to see the old man as he was driving to his office. The man was walking down the street with a huge grin on his face and a hot 20 something blonde on his arm.
Stopping, the doctor said to his patient "You seem to be doing pretty well for yourself."
"just doing what you told me to Doc -- Get a hot Mama and be cheerful!"
I said you have got a heart murmur and be careful!
***
An elderly woman went to the doctor with a problem she was concerned with.
"Doctor, I have an issue that although not terrible now might get worse in time. I fart constantly, but fortunately they are silent and don't smell. In fact, I have probably farted at least 20 times since I have been here in the office with you.
The Doctor gave her a priscription and asked her to come back in a week.
"Doctor, what did you give me? I haven't stopped farting any but now they really smell bad."
"now that we've sorted out your allergies, let's see about getting you a hearing aid...
 




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