Need advise on dealing with young kids and defiant behavior

Discussion in 'The BS Topic' started by 76_TypeLT, Dec 10, 2018.

  1. Smokey15

    Smokey15 Veteran Member

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    Really sucks to know how some of you were punished so harshly as kids. And, I feel sorry for what you had to endure. I've had friends who grew up in similar environments. From reading your posts (not just these), I can tell you have not grown to be an example of your past. You all, in my opinion, were/are determined to not be abusive parents. You've done well my friends.
     
  2. 76_TypeLT

    76_TypeLT Veteran Member Lifetime Gold Member

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    Thanks again for the great conversation and feedback. It's obvious there are a lot of caring parents on this site, me included. At the end of the day we want our children to succeed and we know discipline is a key to that. As Jocko Willink says, discipline = freedom.

    Last night I took the "new and improved" approach to discipline. We had some empty cardboard boxes and my son was pushing one and pushed it into his sister and knocked her over. We're pretty big on respecting others' bodies so that landed him on the "naughty step". But instead of letting him sit there and whine, we had a talk about why that was bad and how he thought that made his sister feel. He knew it was wrong, which is all I wanted from that situation. He apologized to his sister and gave her a hug and all was well. My wife and I also discussed abandoning the bath-then-bed approach as that could lead to him equating those activities as punishments, which we don't want. Raising kids is a moving target so you have to be willing to adjust and accept that you don't always have all the answers. That will be going on for another 18+ years. ;)
     
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  3. Happy_Dan

    Happy_Dan Veteran Member

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    One last comment that my dad shared and I always remembered even though he passed in 1986.

    Little kids, little headaches, big kids, bigger headaches!

    Enjoy the moment, it passes too quickly
     
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  4. ol' grouch

    ol' grouch Veteran Member

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    That may, down the road a few years, be an epiphany that becomes a defining moment. It may be where he begins to think beyond "self" and the ego begins to subside to build a better man when he matures.
     
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  5. Mike N

    Mike N Administrator Staff Member Lifetime Gold Member

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    Best advice I can give for parenting is "Say what you mean, and mean what you say."
     
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  6. Smokey15

    Smokey15 Veteran Member

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    Some very constructive parenting ideas and information here. Now if we can get the rest of the world on board......................
     
  7. 76_TypeLT

    76_TypeLT Veteran Member Lifetime Gold Member

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    You know the funny thing is he really is a caring little boy. He loves his sister and will randomly just give her a hug. He has more empathy as a three year old boy than that of many adults I know.
     
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  8. ol' grouch

    ol' grouch Veteran Member

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    In spite of your misgivings, it looks like you're doing a good job raising the kid. He is laying the ground floor for the house that will be an adult someday. There will be challenges. A lot of the things that make us human form now and in the next few years. By the age of 10 or so, the basic work will be done and you can work on refinements. Be firm and loving like you have been and tell him why what he did was wrong, don't make him guess, and you'll do fine.
     
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  9. jeff swisher

    jeff swisher Veteran Member

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    I read every word on every page.
    You guys are doing very well.
    One thing that may be of a benefit is a little system that includes stickers.
    Kids love stickers like smiley faces and stars and cars.

    Do a reward system that has him receive a sticker that he gets to place on the fridge on a piece of paper for good things he does.
    And when you get so many stickers you get a new hot wheel or a new lego toy or whatever he seems to like to play with.Maybe so many stickers you get to go to mcdonalds play land or something.

    For the foster girls we had we would paint their finger nails or braid their hair or get new hair scrunchies.

    When my older boy reached about 7 I would tell him to clean his room.
    30 minutes later no cleaning.. Tell him 1 more time get it clean you have 30 minutes.
    That 30 minutes passed and I seen NO clean room. I took my son outside and I had some rocks that were 10-20 lbs and had him move the ones he could just pick up and walk with to another part of the yard.
    Then I would have him move them back and tell him I did not like them there.. back and forth until lactic acid built up in his arms and he could no longer lift well.
    Yes he was crying. I had to do it.
    Finally with his strength gone (maybe 5 minutes of moving rocks) I asked him if that was hard to do.
    He said: Yes.
    I asked him if cleaning his room was hard to do.
    He said: No.
    I asked him would you rather clean your room or move rocks.
    He said: Clean my room.
    I said: Yea cleaning the room is easy and I could surely find some hard things for you to do.
    After that all I had to say was clean your room unless you want something hard to do.

    When they were young I would tell them 1 time to pick up their toys out of the living room when it was time to clean up. They jumped to it and wife asked me why they do it the first time I ask.
    Because I do not ask 2 times. I just gut up and pick them up and 1 hand swat to the rear end and tell them pick up the toys.
    They would pick them up. Not a hard swat no crying from the swat just an attention getter that let them know next round may not be good.

    Wife would tell them about 5 times then get all mad and start yelling and then they would pick up the toys.
    They were about 3 or so then.
    I told her stop asking more than 1 time.

    Whatever you do the wife need to be doing the same.
    My kids were really good when we took them out. And really good at home and were not allowed to fight with each other. You can fight with other people if it is warranted but not with your brother (2 boys at that time) you must live with your brother and see him for the rest of your life and you need to get along.
    They are 5 years apart and the oldest is 30 now and they are like best friends.

    Something fun but a little cruel Is I would stick my foot out when they were walking by me and try to trip them.
    Yea they would fall and eventually got really good at foot work and you could not trip them.
    When in high school one of my boys said it paid off all the times you tried to trip me and developed my foot skills no one at school can trip me.. everyone tries to trip you while heading to your desk,
    He said us Swisher boys can't be tripped :)

    Pretty sweet deal.
    I tripped my buddies kid as he was walking by and the boy hit the floor. I looked at my buddy and said What gives???
    He said wife won't let me teach them cool stuff.
    I had know him since 1976 and we were always messing with each other as kids.
    His son is a mommas boy and vegan and long hair down to his waist.
    But all in all a pretty good kid. Little old to be living at home though.
    Sorry off the subject.
     
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  10. tom3

    tom3 Veteran Member

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    Go clean your room Jeff. I got lots of rocks that need moved. I'll figure out where I want them after you move them a couple times. (neat story there)
     
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