Oil Change for Men and Women

Discussion in 'The BS Topic' started by xten, Apr 14, 2016.

  1. xten

    xten Veteran Member

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    I know this has been around before, but I thought it was worth re-posting.

    Oil Change instructions for Women:


    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles
    since the last oil change.



    2) Drink a cup of coffee.



    3) 15 minutes later, pay and leave with a properly
    maintained vehicle.


    Money spent:



    Oil Change:



    $20.00



    Coffee: $1.00



    Total: $21.00



    ==========



    Oil Change instructions for Men :



    1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a
    case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a
    scented tree, pay $50.00.



    2) Stop and buy a case of beer, pay $20, drive home.



    3) Open a beer and drink it.



    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.



    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.



    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.



    7) Place drain pan under engine..



    8) Look for 13mm box end wrench.



    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.



    10) Unscrew drain plug.



    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you
    in process. Cuss.



    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and
    arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.



    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.



    14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.



    15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver
    through oil filter and twist off.



    16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter
    splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil
    filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental
    penalties. Drink a beer.



    17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat
    of oil to gasket surface.



    18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.



    19) Remember drain plug from step 11.



    20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.



    21) Drink beer.



    22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the
    floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.



    23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink
    beer.



    24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe
    eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with
    stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang
    knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between
    knuckles and frame.



    25) Begin cussing fit.



    26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.



    27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling
    trophy.



    28) Beer.



    29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood
    flow.



    30) Beer.



    31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.



    32) Beer.



    33) Lower car from jack stands.



    34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil
    spilled during any missed steps.



    35) Beer.



    36) Test drive car.



    37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the
    influence.



    38) Car gets impounded.



    39) Call loving wife, make bail..



    40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.







    Money spent:



    Parts: $50.00



    DUI: $2500.00



    Impound fee: $75.00



    Bail: $1500.00



    Beer: $20.00



    Total: $4,145.00







    Knowing the job was done correctly..... Priceless










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  2. RS1979

    RS1979 Veteran Member Lifetime Gold Member

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    Priceless indeed. I've had the same experience when I was younger. No beer was involved though.
     
  3. 351maverick

    351maverick full time Ebay seller/hustler/car killer

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    love it
     
  4. Dmystix

    Dmystix Veteran Member

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