Random sayings

tom3

Veteran Member
Aug 1, 1999
14,663
ohio
If that man worked any slower, you could use him for a hitchin' post.

She suspected her husband of cheating on her, because none of their children looked like him.
- Benny Hill

Men would understand wedding vows a lot better if they included the Miranda rights.

She has more chins than a Chinese phone book!

She was so buck-toothed she could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence.

A kid was helping an old guy paint who asked for a brush..."No not that one, it's stiffer than a weddin' dick".

As the dog said when the train ran over his tail; "It won't be long now."

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines...!

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name...!

Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now...!

It is awfully hard work doing nothing. I don't mind working hard if I don't have to do anything.

Burnt toast never hurt anyone; but words can be very hurtful!

A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.

So what if I can't spell Aarghmageddon, it's not like it's the end of the world.

A pilot, "The saying is: At the FAA, we're not happy until you're not happy."

The worst firearm for home defense is the one you do not have when you need it.

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth!

signs seen:
On a plumber's truck: We repair what your husband fixed.
Plastic surgeon's: We'll help you pick your nose
Towing company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
On a fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
Electric company: We'd be delighted if you paid your bill. If you don't, you will be.

Dogs prepare you for babies...Cats prepare you for teenagers...!

And: I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
 
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dcozzi

Veteran Member
May 1, 2002
4,580
Phoenix, AZ
Sayings:

Found a great price?? "That's a sore dick deal... You just can't beat it."

"You can push the envelope, but it is still stationary" - Funnycar John

"You did not plan to fail, you just failed to plan."

"I would agree with you but them we would both be wrong."

"He is happier than a _______ with a bag of ________. (Fill in the blanks as you see fit)

"Man with hands in his pockets feels cocky."

"My _____ hurts. Funny, it's your face that 's killing me."

"When somebody gets something for nothing, somebody somewhere gets nothing for something."



Signs:

On a fuel door the printed label - "Gasshole"

Bumpersticker - "Born Right The First Time"

On electricians truck, "Let us check your shorts."
 

mallard

Veteran Member
Oct 3, 2013
1,956
SK, Canada
How fat is she?

She is so fat when she stands on a street corner the cops came by and told her to break it up.

She is so fat her belly button echoed.

She is so fat her bath tub has stretch marks.

She is so fat to have sex with her you have to flip through the folds until you find the one that smells like sh!t then back up one.
 

dcozzi

Veteran Member
May 1, 2002
4,580
Phoenix, AZ
How fat is she?

She is so fat when she stands on a street corner the cops came by and told her to break it up.

She is so fat her belly button echoed.

She is so fat her bath tub has stretch marks.

She is so fat to have sex with her you have to flip through the folds until you find the one that smells like sh!t then back up one.
She's so fat two men can make love to her at the same time and never meet.
 




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