Discussion in 'The BS Topic' started by ULTM8Z, Jun 8, 2018.

  1. John Wright

    John Wright Veteran Member Lifetime Gold Member

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    Aug 9, 2002
    Rustburg, Va
    Kind of hard to ask someone why they did that to themselves after the fact, so obviously there are serious questions with no answers. Sad situation for all of the loved ones who are left behind wondering if there was anything they could have done to prevent it or just trying to understand the motive and decision to do it.

    MIDNIGHTBLUE Veteran Member

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    Jul 28, 2000
    Southern Kaifornia
    I had known and heard about suicide for my entire adult life but never felt the pain of someone killing themselves until 2 years ago.

    My buddy Pete was sent to a new station, we chatted but not having him around on a daily basis, our communication tapered off. Pete got involved in an on duty incident and was put on leave and came back to work on what is called, "Administrative Duty", meaning no public contact, he rode a desk. It was during this time that he hurt his back and was put on leave for that. Pete was a really fit guy, borderline body builder and could easily lift me off the ground and hold me there for minutes, he used to do that all the time, he called it his "Big boy Back workout".

    He called me on a FRI, he asked to go to lunch with me on SAT, I agreed and got a time and place. He asked if our friend Pat could make it, Pat could not due to a scheduling issue. I told Pete, "Let's go anyway, I cant wait to catch up". Pete decided to pass, that was FRI. SAT night, he killed himself. SUN I found out and I literally fell to my knees and sobbed, it was like my own brother had killed himself. I couldnt let go of the feeling if I had insisted we went to lunch, he would be alive.

    Pete was the epitome of the modern day warrior, he had a call to serve and he did just that, he was what people think of when they talk about cops who are the best of the best and serve the community with pride.

    I still to this day, cannot believe he is gone. I write to him every week on Facebook, talking to him about my days, son and family stuff.

    I have come to the conclusion that there was nothing I could do to prevent it, that the stress and doubts of the investigation that he was eventually cleared of posthumously and his back injury with the isolation of being alone in his home for weeks on end, did him in.

    I miss him every day. If you are dealing with thoughts of suicide, talk to someone, anyone. Dont put that head noise on the people who love you. Dont make a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2018

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